She had very little interaction with the male species and was mostly alien to the ways of them. Her father died when she was very young. Her mother and grandmother were the people she looked upto in her life, her role models. And he knew little about females. Together they were keen to chart a new course in their lives. They met each other when they were at crossroads in their life, when they needed a new person in each others life, a new perspective, a non-judgemental entity to bounce their opinions off. Together they walked on anxiously towards a new future, expecting to take whatever life threw at them with considerable ease because now they would have each other to urge them on. How wrong they would be.
The took the same local transport to home and work every day. Even in the suffocating throng of human bodies packed tight one against the other, they kept their distance from each other. Each not invading into the others comfort zone, respecting each others privacy. The self protecting bubble burst one day. She was molested on the ride back home one day, the day he choose to stay away from work because of illness. Like so many other women before her, just like her mother put up with all the taunts everyday, she suffered in silent agony.
She knew things would never be the same with any man. No amount of previous interaction would have prepared her for this. His personal haven came tumbling down upon him like a building of cards. He knew that he could never offer her any solace with his words or his physical presence. If only he could make her understand that not all men arent that bad. But it was too late, too little and too insignificant.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Thursday, June 16, 2005
The man...but the mission?
As far back as I could will my ever failing and diminishing memory "The man under the tree" was always there. I could never distinctly differentiate the moment in my life when he wasnt there and when he mysteriously appeared. But once he made his appearance he was omnipresent. When I first noticed him, as a child sitting behind my dad on the two wheeler, I hugged my dad fiercely, petrified by his appearance. His hair uncharacteristically brown in color, mottled and frayed due to years of negligence. His face hidden under months of shaggy and unkempt beard. His face was thin and drawn out, as if the weight of the beard was too heavy for his features. His appearance was the stuff parents used to scare their children into eating their spinach or stop them from misbehaving.
He was there when I was old enough to start my brave walks to the nearby medical shops and grocery stores. Atleast 20ft before his tree abode I used to cross to the other side of the road and continue my journey. He was still there when I learnt to ride my bicycle on the "busy" roads. I rode my bicycle swiftly past him lest he decided to come out of his reverie and stick his hand out to grab me, which he wasnt going to do anyway. He was there when I ambled my two wheeler past him, by now growing comfortable to his presence on the road. Truth is, I had enough faith in the horse power of my two wheeler to know that I can accelerate quickly enough if he decides to reach out to me.
He was mostly sitting under the tree whenver I saw him. Now, when I think back to those days he reminds me of one of those tree deities which are worshipped reverently but never taken care of in rain or shine. What an irony!! What did the all powerful being, God decided to do with him? Was this the path that God had destined for him? He never begged for money that much I noticed but how did he sustain himself? What did he do when it rained and what did he do when the heat of the summer months beat down upon him?
So, who was he? Where did he come from? The stork didnt drop him from the sky. Had he a life, a family who cared for him and a family he cared for? I wanted to find out but I never did. Will he be there when I go back home? Will I be able to approach him now and find out what landed him in the present state?
On a wholly different level, spare a moment for the homeless children. I try to tell this to all whom I think would listen and to others who think Im sensible at times. When you think about having a family, think about adopting. Why bring more into this harsh world when there are already so many for whom the concept of family is as alien as Kentucky Fried Chicken?
P.S: Thanks M. for the timely reminder :) :P
He was there when I was old enough to start my brave walks to the nearby medical shops and grocery stores. Atleast 20ft before his tree abode I used to cross to the other side of the road and continue my journey. He was still there when I learnt to ride my bicycle on the "busy" roads. I rode my bicycle swiftly past him lest he decided to come out of his reverie and stick his hand out to grab me, which he wasnt going to do anyway. He was there when I ambled my two wheeler past him, by now growing comfortable to his presence on the road. Truth is, I had enough faith in the horse power of my two wheeler to know that I can accelerate quickly enough if he decides to reach out to me.
He was mostly sitting under the tree whenver I saw him. Now, when I think back to those days he reminds me of one of those tree deities which are worshipped reverently but never taken care of in rain or shine. What an irony!! What did the all powerful being, God decided to do with him? Was this the path that God had destined for him? He never begged for money that much I noticed but how did he sustain himself? What did he do when it rained and what did he do when the heat of the summer months beat down upon him?
So, who was he? Where did he come from? The stork didnt drop him from the sky. Had he a life, a family who cared for him and a family he cared for? I wanted to find out but I never did. Will he be there when I go back home? Will I be able to approach him now and find out what landed him in the present state?
On a wholly different level, spare a moment for the homeless children. I try to tell this to all whom I think would listen and to others who think Im sensible at times. When you think about having a family, think about adopting. Why bring more into this harsh world when there are already so many for whom the concept of family is as alien as Kentucky Fried Chicken?
P.S: Thanks M. for the timely reminder :) :P
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Book tagging
This seems to be the most happening thing at present in most of the blogs Im visiting. So I was surprised and mildly excited when Eroteme asked of me to carry the baton. This is kind of like a chain mail asking you to forward (tag) it to five others. But definitely more interesting than chain mails. So here goes...
Total books I own:
Not many but if you count books related to academia, tinkle, amar chitra katha it might very well go beyond 100. Ive just started building my collection :(
Last book(s) I bought: On June 8th 2005
Prey by Michael Crichton (This story is about nanotechnology and robots ;) ).
The testament by David Morrell.
A Beautiful Mind: The life of Mathematical Genius and Nobel Laureate John Nash by Sylvia Nasar.
Catch 22 by Joeseph Heller.
Last book I read:
Homeland by R A Salvatore.
Current reading:
Exile by R A Salvatore.
Etching in Microsystem Technology by Michael Kohler.
Some technical journal papers.
Books that have had an impact on me:
Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
To kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee.
Animal Farm by George Orwell.
And to carry on the baton:
Well, it appears that some unknown people have a laid down a rule that I could pass this on to only 5 other. So, I request Woaaooww, SP, Vitalstatistix, M., Misha to carry on the good work :)
P.S: for those new to blog-tagging (yeah, Im already an expert because I have already finished one) you have to pass this on to 5 others withing 15mins of reading this or thou shalt lose access to your blog :)) Believe me I never thought this would happen but it happened to me and I had to appease the creators and the Blog deity by sacrificing one of my blogs :P
Total books I own:
Not many but if you count books related to academia, tinkle, amar chitra katha it might very well go beyond 100. Ive just started building my collection :(
Last book(s) I bought: On June 8th 2005
Prey by Michael Crichton (This story is about nanotechnology and robots ;) ).
The testament by David Morrell.
A Beautiful Mind: The life of Mathematical Genius and Nobel Laureate John Nash by Sylvia Nasar.
Catch 22 by Joeseph Heller.
Last book I read:
Homeland by R A Salvatore.
Current reading:
Exile by R A Salvatore.
Etching in Microsystem Technology by Michael Kohler.
Some technical journal papers.
Books that have had an impact on me:
Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.
To kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee.
Animal Farm by George Orwell.
And to carry on the baton:
Well, it appears that some unknown people have a laid down a rule that I could pass this on to only 5 other. So, I request Woaaooww, SP, Vitalstatistix, M., Misha to carry on the good work :)
P.S: for those new to blog-tagging (yeah, Im already an expert because I have already finished one) you have to pass this on to 5 others withing 15mins of reading this or thou shalt lose access to your blog :)) Believe me I never thought this would happen but it happened to me and I had to appease the creators and the Blog deity by sacrificing one of my blogs :P
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Monaaay
Money, with pscyhedelic strains on the guitar, goes the Pink Floyd song.
"Money, it’s a crime.
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise that they’re
Giving none away"
ABBA went "Money,money,money" and Dire straits sang "Money for nothing"
Money for nothing? Nobody told me about that. Dont we work hard to make money? How much money do we need? In one of my earlier posts in this blog, I asked this question of myself "How much money do I want, is one million dollars enough, or what will two cars and a beautiful bungalow back home do to my dreams, will it satisfy my urge to earn and spend?" How do I draw the line between necessity and greed? From celluloid heroes to pint size philosophers,
they all say the same thing, panam inniku varum nalaikku pogum, kaasu selavu panrathuku thanae (today you earn money to spend it tomorrow? isnt the money that we earn, for spending?)
A necessary digression at this point.
One of the most defining moments Ive come across in movies in the recent times was the climax in Schindlers List. As the story goes, Oskar Schindler, who initially sees Jews as cheap labor goes through a full circle of convictions, guilt and humanity. Itzhak Stern, his faithful Jewish accoutant, who helps him succeed in his business, feeds on his guilt and initiates him to rescue people from camps by recruiting them in his factory. To many Jews, Schindlers factory meant the difference between life and death. Nobody died if they worked for Schindler. That meant more than anything else to them. When the people were ready to be shipped off to Auschwitz, Schindler, a businessman who sees war as an opportunity to finally succeed in life and make money, pays off almost his entire fortune to bribe officials to move the Jews to his hometown. This way he saved 1200 Jews, and thus the name of the movie, Schindlers List.
He saved many more indirectly. His factory supplied armaments and artillery shells to the Nazis; Schindler made sure that no shell from his factory would ever fire. To make this happen Schindler spent huge amounts of money, conniving officials to keep buying from him. After the end of war, Schindler knew only too well that as a member of the Nazi party he and his wife would be chased, prosecuted or maybe persecuted. The final scene when Schindler the ruthless,
money minded businessman breaks down to his confidant Stern, about how many more he could have saved, it hits you hard. To depict the gravity of the situation and what money meant to Schindler in the end, Im going to quote directly from the movie.
SCHINDLER: (to himself) I could've got more... if I'd just...I don't know, if I'd just...I could've got more...
STERN: Oskar, there are twelve hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.
(Unable to look up)SCHINDLER: If I'd made more money... I threw away so much money, you have no idea. If I'd just...
STERN: There will be generations because of what you did.
SCHINDLER: I didn't do enough.
STERN: You did so much.
(Schindler starts to lose it, the tears coming. Stern, too. The look on Schindler's face as his eyes sweep across the faces of the workers is one of apology, begging them to forgive him for not doing more.)
SCHINDLER: This car. Goeth (The Nazi commander whom Schindler bribed to take the Jews to his hometown to work in his factory) would've bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people, right there, ten more I could've got. This pin -- (He rips the swastika, from his lapel and holds it out to Stern pathetically.)
SCHINDLER:Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would've given me two for it. At least one. He would've given me one. One more. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. One more. I could've gotten one more person I didn't.
(He completely breaks down, weeping convulsively, the guilt consuming him.)
SCHINDLER: They killed so many people...They killed so many people...
The meaningless gold lapel pin which he shamelessly paraded on his jacket came to nothing in the end. Will the money that we earn in our life mean anything to us, to this world. At times I used to ask myself, will the research that Im doing right now, is it going to help, will it make a difference. The money that I make would it make a difference? Im not going to humor myself that it would, but still I hope to put it to good use. For the hopeless romanticist that I am, the ideal world in which I dream, there, Dire Straits still sing "Money for nothing"
Someday on the different paths that Im going take, money should be the means to the end and not the end to the means.
"Money, it’s a crime.
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise that they’re
Giving none away"
ABBA went "Money,money,money" and Dire straits sang "Money for nothing"
Money for nothing? Nobody told me about that. Dont we work hard to make money? How much money do we need? In one of my earlier posts in this blog, I asked this question of myself "How much money do I want, is one million dollars enough, or what will two cars and a beautiful bungalow back home do to my dreams, will it satisfy my urge to earn and spend?" How do I draw the line between necessity and greed? From celluloid heroes to pint size philosophers,
they all say the same thing, panam inniku varum nalaikku pogum, kaasu selavu panrathuku thanae (today you earn money to spend it tomorrow? isnt the money that we earn, for spending?)
A necessary digression at this point.
One of the most defining moments Ive come across in movies in the recent times was the climax in Schindlers List. As the story goes, Oskar Schindler, who initially sees Jews as cheap labor goes through a full circle of convictions, guilt and humanity. Itzhak Stern, his faithful Jewish accoutant, who helps him succeed in his business, feeds on his guilt and initiates him to rescue people from camps by recruiting them in his factory. To many Jews, Schindlers factory meant the difference between life and death. Nobody died if they worked for Schindler. That meant more than anything else to them. When the people were ready to be shipped off to Auschwitz, Schindler, a businessman who sees war as an opportunity to finally succeed in life and make money, pays off almost his entire fortune to bribe officials to move the Jews to his hometown. This way he saved 1200 Jews, and thus the name of the movie, Schindlers List.
He saved many more indirectly. His factory supplied armaments and artillery shells to the Nazis; Schindler made sure that no shell from his factory would ever fire. To make this happen Schindler spent huge amounts of money, conniving officials to keep buying from him. After the end of war, Schindler knew only too well that as a member of the Nazi party he and his wife would be chased, prosecuted or maybe persecuted. The final scene when Schindler the ruthless,
money minded businessman breaks down to his confidant Stern, about how many more he could have saved, it hits you hard. To depict the gravity of the situation and what money meant to Schindler in the end, Im going to quote directly from the movie.
SCHINDLER: (to himself) I could've got more... if I'd just...I don't know, if I'd just...I could've got more...
STERN: Oskar, there are twelve hundred people who are alive because of you. Look at them.
(Unable to look up)SCHINDLER: If I'd made more money... I threw away so much money, you have no idea. If I'd just...
STERN: There will be generations because of what you did.
SCHINDLER: I didn't do enough.
STERN: You did so much.
(Schindler starts to lose it, the tears coming. Stern, too. The look on Schindler's face as his eyes sweep across the faces of the workers is one of apology, begging them to forgive him for not doing more.)
SCHINDLER: This car. Goeth (The Nazi commander whom Schindler bribed to take the Jews to his hometown to work in his factory) would've bought this car. Why did I keep the car? Ten people, right there, ten more I could've got. This pin -- (He rips the swastika, from his lapel and holds it out to Stern pathetically.)
SCHINDLER:Two people. This is gold. Two more people. He would've given me two for it. At least one. He would've given me one. One more. One more person. A person, Stern. For this. One more. I could've gotten one more person I didn't.
(He completely breaks down, weeping convulsively, the guilt consuming him.)
SCHINDLER: They killed so many people...They killed so many people...
The meaningless gold lapel pin which he shamelessly paraded on his jacket came to nothing in the end. Will the money that we earn in our life mean anything to us, to this world. At times I used to ask myself, will the research that Im doing right now, is it going to help, will it make a difference. The money that I make would it make a difference? Im not going to humor myself that it would, but still I hope to put it to good use. For the hopeless romanticist that I am, the ideal world in which I dream, there, Dire Straits still sing "Money for nothing"
Someday on the different paths that Im going take, money should be the means to the end and not the end to the means.
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