I try to refrain from forming words with capital letters especially when Im writing a mail to someone or while Im chatting. According to etiquettes of chatting and emailing this is supposed to refer to shouting and I strongly believe in that. But I had my insides screaming in despair and anger when I read through a recent post. When I wrote, A full circle, I knew that I was only scratching the surface of the phenomenon of sexual molestation. Besides, I knew that I would never have to go through such a thing and would never really fathom the psychological effects such an incident could do.
Why am I saying all this, wooaaooww gave me this to read, a real life experience of a twenty something girl travelling alone by train, and it was rude slap on the face differentiating between reality and fictional piece of writing.
Theres not much I can do except write about it. To say I felt sorry for the girl would be the biggest understatement this side of the Atlantic next to "Bush sucks". First she has to go through the worst physical torture not to mention being very scared as to what can happen to her next. As if this shit ain't enough for her, she then has to go through some emotional blackmailing. Truth is I felt really sorry for her when the perpertrator put her through some crass emotional blackmailing and make her feel guilty for doing what is right. Im glad she stuck to her guns and filed a criminal complaint against that guy. Reading that post made me notice a few things which I would have overlooked as indulgent, mischievous or harmless.
Heres something that I noticed last weekend after reading that post. I was waiting for my flight to Chicago along with many others crowding on both sides of the exit ramp coming off the gate. There was this beautiful girl on the other side wearing a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt showing off a little of her assets. Before we go any further, let me clarify that she wasnt dressed provocatively in any way. So, when the flight landed at the gate and the passengers started exiting, I couldnt believe my eyes that 9 out of every 10 males exiting the plane had two glances at her. One at her beautiful visage and the next, a fleeting (almost reflexive and involuntary) glance at her dress' plunging neckline. I was aghast, at the number and the different kinds of male entities that indulged in this. Married, unmarried, young, old, it didnt matter. To say that I didnt indulge in it myself would be perjury. But, after noticing this I knew that I would never be able to look the girl in her eye and say two kind words to her. There are girls who get turned on by being the focus of attention of every male stranger but this was different. Brazenly ogling has been so common, I guess by now its become a birth right for the male species these days. "Feminism is a misconception that women are people!!!" This was a bumper sticker in some car near my house; this is what its come to now.
To Lone Warrior, read the above post then you'll understand what I was trying to convey in the previous post!! No frivolous inspirations from Hindi or Tamil cinema :)
16 comments:
Women who are beautiful either crave or totally reject the behaviour of men in response to being looked at. The fact is that beauty leads to positive responses in men in a way that intelliegnec does not. This is a shame.
Until we start to think about what we value as being character and personality, there will always be people in the world who behave in a way as to sexualise women. This is true of molestation, rape, or being stared at. Interesting post.
Thanks for the link. I jumped from there to temporarily to check it out and I kept blog hopping on related social issue sites. Finally I am returning after two hours.
Interesting post..
I guess, these days, media plays a HUGE role in furthering this entire concept of sexualising women..But then you do have women who are quite ready to do anything if the "script demands it"(read as 'if I get paid for it')..The skewed senses of recognition and fame has sort of erased out the sense of dignity and values..Guess to a certain extent, men are used to the connection between women dressed in such clothes and the daring acts, that it passes on to real life as well..
And today's feminism is skewed as well..For it is not a place in the man's world that a woman wants/needs, it's a place in the world that they own together..
Nicely written! :)
PS: Thanks for the add.
About molestation/rape,true that it will be emotionally/physically the worst thing to happen to any person.But in India its looked at as a morally wrong thing which just worsens it.They make it seem as though the whole life of the person in question is meaningless.But its def something a person can revive from.Something similar to an accident.Only thing its got more to do with ur emotions.Its the society which worsens it!
But on the brighter side, things are def changing.
hmm..I do not know if i conveyed what i wanted to actually say :)
Anne: wow, a lucid observation from a girls point of view. I totally agree with you. But there are guys out there who do look for intelligence and character in the opposite sex. But Ill admit that there arent many.
Baejaar: Ive done that many times. I guess you can even call it as blog-hopping. Im glad that you had a great experience blog-hopping on social issues and am ever more glad that you came back after two hours to leave a comment :)
V: everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame under the spotlight. I havent paid much attention to the feminist movement. I thought it was a maligned misconception like chauvinism ;) Its funny when I see Mallika Sherawat being toted as the current feminist icon in India. I really dont know what to make out of it :) I guess I must delve into feminism before I can shout out whether Sherawat is a feminist or a nudist!!
Prabha: I totally understand what you were trying to say. You absolutely right in saying that there is a social stigma that goes along with molestation or rape, that makes the victim not want to publicise it by filing a complaint. Its like her "image" would be tarnished; whereas its only elevated when she stands by her rights and files her complaint. Its definitely an emotional and psychological turmoil for a person who has to go through such things.
if it would serve any purpose id link to your blog twice after that post! :)) GREAT going! :)
OH MI GOD!
Same is my reaction too. That is very brave of that girl to take a firm stand, and not budging eith weakening mass. She did the right thing, being bold. The guy MUST be punished. The guys should be put to harsher punishment than just 15 days in prison.
vitalstatistix: yup :)
M.: *bows deeply* am honored. Best compliment ive received so far.
Venus: 15 days is not the punishment itself. The guy was just remanded for 15 days before hes produced in court in front of a judge. Its a pre-emptory imprisionment based on written complaint and witnesses. Im sure hes going to get punished according to the law.
I totally accept with you in that moelestation is a crime that needs to be punished severely. I know close friends of mine who have been subjected to such torture. I guess you have spoken enough on the topic for me to comment anythign further.
But, what I would like to say is regarding the incident you quoted as seeing. We are all driven by hormonal stimulations. We are meant to be aroused by the opposite sex. Have you ever seen anybody having their eyeful on women/girls who are dressed well/smartly/completely? Only thing that can happen for such girls is what happened to the girl to whose blog you had referred to, and that is something should be punished indeed.
But I definitely will not blame men for eyeing females who dress improperly. You yourself mentioned in your post that her dress revelaed her assets. Whether is provocative or not is purely relative as every indivdual has a different level of excitation. What I am trying to say here is that, I feel that the responsiblity lies to a fair extent on girls too to see to it that they are not harassed. You should not dance in the face of danger and feel miserable later when it hits you.
I have to agree with Panch here. But I want to go one step further.That guy is faultless in my opinion.We all as a society have to take the blame for the incident.
At his age,having sexual feelings is natural.It happens to everyone. He acted on the impulse. The so-called " decent" guys dont have the guts to act on their natural body impulse thats all.That refers to all of us who have condemned the guy in question.Unless you are impotent,these things are always going to happen and everywhere one turns, we see some form of titillation or the other.And we are sexually active from the age of 14 but we get married at 28.In between you have to repress your urges by some form of threat or the other - either religious or the law or parents etc.
Hence, there are NO good guys - only people who are scared enough and those who momentarily forget to be scared. This poor guy falls in the latter category.
I am not trying to make a sensation by suporting him or anything.....just consider what is said and maybe you may sympathise with the guy too.
It is interesting to note that in tribal societies where everyone roams about naked (with their breasts hanging out),there are no instances of rape or sexual abuse.We would normally expect anarchy in such a situation but it never happens.Only in a repressed society like ours do such things happen. The problem is our over-emphasis on all things related to sex.
hey paanch and mystic. u ppl r right and thoroughly mistaken at the same time.It is very true tht we hav our hormonal impulses. ok, so we need sex, but tht doesnt justify us to force ourselves on unwilling ppl! it's like though we all need money, it still doesnt justify robbery- u gotta work for it!
similarly if u wanna be wid a woman, get a girlfriend!
PS: hey stoned, remember the MJ disc ussion on basically blah? well now it's closer @ home with salman khan!
Panch: I agree with you to a certain level. But is it right for guys to wear shorts trying to show off their private parts (to an extent) and tight t-shirts trying to show off their rippling chest muscles and biceps. Isnt that dressing provocatively? Hold on, its the not the same thing but you understand what Im getting at dont you? Why shouldnt girls wear shorts and tight tank tops themselves?
The Mystic: I think youre way off the radar. You say that its okay for guys to show their sexual urges? But what about a girls sexual urges? Is it okay for girls to publicly show their urges? Theyll probably be labelled as sluts or even worse.
Sumandatta: I never imagined that I would agree with you!! Im not actually following everything that happens back home. Especially the low down about movie celebrities.
Wooaaooww: aahhhh .......hmmmm.......oooohhhhh......sssssss.........buh bye.
Of course, I dont mean to say that everyone should start expressing their true natural body impulses....that would be "wrong", isnt it? :))
We can all pretend to be interested in girls only for their intelligence, inner beauty, and all that nonsense......
I too, had read the story sometime ago and felt similar to the way you did.
Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting. Look forward to seeing you around.
hey, i'm surprised how you are surprised that almost all of the men looked at this woman by the airport. i would have to say that its the one thing i hate about summer. more skin is shown and if you happen to be blessed in certain areas, men tend to look/stare and i hate it!! i have also observed this behavior as well. it is so NOTHING new for me. it sucks!! reminds me of this poem that i've been trying to look up and will post once i do.
i'm glad you finally can see it from a diff. perspective :)
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